INTRODUCTION
THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK
The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a
Secure and Well-Behaved
One- to Four-Year-Old
Chapter 1
“HELP! THERE’S A NEANDERTHAL IN MY KITCHEN!”
The Gentle Art of Civilizing Toddlers
- All parents find toddlerhood challenging.
- Parenting tips that work with older children
often fail miserably with toddlers.
- As your toddler grows , you are watching
five million years of humanity unfold before your very eyes.
- Toddlers pass through four stages of development
that echo the evolution of our ancient ancestors.
- Prehistoric parenting: How to become the
perfect ambassador to your little Stone-Ager.
Chapter 2
12- TO 18-MONTHS: YOUR “CHARMING CHIMP-CHILD”
Ready, set, grab, grunt, and go! Stepping into Toddlerhood!
- Developmentally, our sweet one-year-olds
are not much ahead of chimpanzees.
- Your young toddler is thrilled by walking
(but will still drop to all fours if in a rush).
- New fine-motor skills like pointing, pinching,
and grabbing let him explore in new ways.
- He says a little, understands more, and
communicates mostly by gestures, grunts and tone of voice.
- Like a cute little chimp, he lives in the
moment and loves “ape-ing” everything you do.
Chapter 3
18- to 24-MONTHS: YOUR “KNEE-HIGH NEANDERTHAL”
A Walk on the Wild Side
- Developmentally, your toddler is at
a level similar to Neanderthals two million years ago.
- Neanderthals were smarter, more verbal,
and more agile than ape-men but also more aggressive and
stubborn.
- Your young child is now faster on
her feet and has begun to use her hands to scribble and
throw.
- Your toddler is getting better at
forming words and phrases.
- She’s intoxicated by her growing
sense of independence. This is the age of “Me!”
“Mine!” and “No!”
Chapter 4
24- to 36-MONTHS: YOUR “CLEVER CAVE KID”
Faster, Stronger, Smarter!
- Developmentally, your toddler has a lot in
common with ancient cave dwellers 150,000 years ago.
- His movements are smoother now, but he’s
even more accident prone, as he focuses more on where he’s
running than what’s in his way.
- With greater patience and precision, your
two-year-olds will use his hands to examine and play with
objects…and give you high fives!
- Your toddler is now learning not just words,
but the rules of speech.
- Most Cave-Kids love routines and order and
increasingly want to do things to please their parents,
relatives and teachers.
Chapter 5
36 to 48 MONTHS: YOUR “VERSATILE VILLAGER”
The Great Leap Forward
- Developmentally, your toddler is a lot like
the first truly modern people: the earliest villagers living
10,000 to 60,000 years ago.
- Her brain is making a “great leap forward.”
Her language, social and intellectual advances are astonishing.
- She can deftly “use her words”
to express ideas about almost anything.
- A growing interest in other people sparks
first friendships, pretend play and new emotional attachments.
- Now that she knows the rules, she beginning
to learn how to bend them—both to get her way and
to make you laugh.
- Tantrums may explode again as your toddler
realizes she’s no longer a baby and not quite a big
kid.
Chapter 6
NATURE’S WILD CARD: WHAT’S YOUR TODDLER’S
TEMPERAMENT?
- Knowing your child’s temperament is
as important as knowing his stage of development.
- Every temperament is unique; no two are alike.
- You can’t change your toddler’s
temperament—but you can work with it.
- Temperament generally comes in one of three
types: easy, cautious, and spirited.
- Be careful how you label your child’s
temperament; your words can nurture or scar.
Chapter 7
THE CLASH OF CIVILIZATIONS:
WHEN MODERN PARENTS MEET STONE-AGE KIDS
- Parenting is a skill as much as an instinct.
- Feelings of frustration and failure as well
as unhappy memories from the past, can affect the way you
parent.
- Your temperament may mesh or clash with your
child’s temperament.
- Compared to ancient human beings our lives
are busy, indoors and isolated— not the best conditions
for bringing up toddlers.
Chapter 8
HOW DO YOU SAY THAT IN TODDLER-ESE?
COMMUNICATION THAT REALLY WORKS!
- The Fast-Food Rule is the best way to talk
to any upset person: Before saying what you think, repeat
what he said…with sincerity.
- If you skip the Fast-Food Rule your irate
friend may not want to listen to what you have to say.
- When your child is upset, it helps to translate
what you say to him into Toddler-ese (his native language).
- Toddler-ese has four characteristics: very
short phrases, repetition, emphasis and gesturing.
- Toddler-ese takes some practice—but
you’ll love the results.
Chapter 9
RESPECT AND REWARDS:
WAYS TO ENCOURAGE GOOD BEHAVIOR
- Six nurturing ways to encourage good behavior.
- Respect: Share a power as nurturing as love.
(Try It: Saving Face)
- Praise: Give your toddler a word hug. (Try
It: Believable Praise)
- Side-Door Messages: Find the secret way
into your toddler’s mind. (Try It: Gossip, Fairy Tales,
and Reverse Psychology)
- Confidence: Give the gift that keeps on
giving. (Try It: Strength-Builders)
- Patience: Inch your toddler toward civilization.
(Try It: Baby Steps)
- Rewards: Grease the wheels of cooperation.
(Try It: The Hand-Check)
Chapter 10
TIME-IN
HOW ROUTINE AND PLAY CAN SOOTHE YOUR PREHISTORIC PAL
- Time-in is the pleasurable time that you
spend each day with your toddler.
- Daily routines and play are proof to your
child of your love and make him want to cooperate.
- Toddlers love soothing routines: massage,
loveys, Special Time, affirmations, and breathing exercises.
- Build fun into every single day, especially
outdoor play, creative play, and reading.
Chapter 11
GENTLE DIPLOMACY:
WAYS TO SET UP AND ENFORCE LIMITS
- Your toddler’s job is to push the limits.
Your job is to respectfully enforce them.
- Why good toddlers sometimes act “bad.”
- How to set limits your toddler will respect.
- Detours not roadblocks: How to use distraction
and bartering to get cooperation.
- Perfect punishments for little primitives:
When to resort to ignoring, loss of privileges, or time-outs.
Chapter 12
BOULDERS THAT TRIP UP ONE-YEAR-OLDS
Tantrums, Public Meltdowns, Sleep Problems, Biting
- Tantrums: They first appear at 12 to 15 months
when emotions run high but self control is low.
- Public meltdowns: Outbursts where there’s
an audience have to be tamed.
- Sleep problems: One-year-olds hate giving
up the excitement of exploring—even when they’re
exhausted!
- Sleep training relies on routine and limit
setting. Be soothing and nurturing before bedtime, and firm
and consistent afterward.
- Biting: Nip it in the bud by growling.
Chapter 13
BOULDERS THAT TRIP UP TWO-YEAR-OLDS
Separation Worries. Picky Eating, Toilet Learning
- Separation worries: Even independent toddlers
sometimes experience deep worries This push-pull is often
at the heart of separation troubles.
- Rather than sneaking away, gradually shorten
your good-byes (Mommy Interruptus) to make partings less
abrupt.
- Picky eating: It’s a normal tendency
at age two as your toddler’s growth slows and she
needs fewer calories
- Toilet learning: Cave-Kids love the potty—if
you approach it diplomatically.
Chapter 14
BOULDERS THAT TRIP UP VERSATILE VILLAGERS
Fears, Stuttering, Medicine-Taking, New Siblings
- The new ways your three-year-old sees the
world may make his fears seem very, very real.
- Fears: Here are successful ways to fight
them, designed for a Villager’s level of understanding.
- Stuttering: How to help kids whose mouths
stumble while trying to keep up with their brains.
- Medicine taking: Using bartering (and sneakiness)
helps the medicine go down.
- New siblings: It’s your toddler, not
your newborn, who needs all that extra TLC.
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